Chapter Sixty-Two: The Most Depressing Chapter

Peaches Honeyblossom: There’s a spot on this counter, what kind of establishment are you running here, exactly?

Bartender: There’s about to be a spot on your face if you keep it up.

Stranger: *sits down and acts like he isn’t another one of those online dating site stalkers* I hate spots, too.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Cool story, bro.

Bartender: Don’t worry. I didn’t spit in it.

Stranger: Watching you eat that would be the highlight of my life.

Yes, please, wash away those creeper germs.

Well, not the Creeper ones because then you wouldn’t exist anymore LOL I’m so funny.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Grandpa, I really don’t like that you’re watching me sleep.

Pilot Inspektor: I’m not watching YOU, Cinderella. I’m watching that horse behind you.

Other Horse: I’M watching you sleep.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Horse behind me? Oh, HI, pony! COME HERE I LOVE YOU.

Horse: EEK, A PEACHES.

Yeah, wild horses still hate her. Just like old times.

I’m just making her sleep in the rain now. Tabooger is really sick of her and 7 is… well, 7.

Pilot Inspektor: NO, I DID NOT TAKE YOUR SANDWICH. MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHECK YOUR BACK POCKET, FRUIT MAN.

Hermione: Why can’t we be sent away? This is torture.

It’s torture for me too, are you kidding me?

Because we can’t get enough of him, we invite Shing to lunch.

Peaches Honeyblossom: You’re wearing flippers. I cannot take you seriously.

Shing: It’s been raining for days, do you want me to drown, Detective Honeyblossom?

After lunch, we kidnap him.

Just kidding. Kind of.

Peaches Honeyblossom: I found this abandoned cabin and was thinking we could spend the weekend here. Romantic, isn’t it?

Shing: Uh, this is like some Cabin Fever thing, I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

Peaches Honeyblossom: You’re acting odd. I can’t even get close to you.

Shing: Who, me? No, I’m not. I’m just not feeling well is all. Let’s go to the park or something, for fresh air and stuff.

Peaches Honeyblossom: I had something else in mind…

Oh, again? Really? This is kind of painful to watch.

Shing: You are psychotic, Peaches, but I’m starting to like it.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Oh, now you like it?

Like, really, he likes it?

Shing: I like it a lot.

Peaches Honeyblossom: You better.

Kissing spam ahoy. Gag.

Peaches Honeyblossom: We should–

Shing: No. No, I can’t do this.

Peaches Honeyblossom: What?

Shing: Let’s go outside.

Shing: Sorry, I just like it better out here… with the stars and the moon.

Peaches Honeyblossom: It’s okay, I do too.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Are you okay?

Shing: Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.

Peaches Honeyblossom: You sure?

Shing: Absolutely. Let’s just enjoy tonight.

Shing: I think I’m ready to go inside now.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Already? What happened?

Shing: You happened.

Peaches Honeyblossom: You’re killing me with this hot and cold stuff, Shing.

Shing: I can’t help it, I’m a fairy.

Shing: I’ll show you how these flippers can really be used.

I just don’t even want to know.

Peaches Honeyblossom: We should make this official.

Shing: Wasn’t that official enough?

Peaches Honeyblossom: You know what I mean. I’m falling in love with you, Shing.

Shing: And I care for you a lot too, Peaches, but I’d need to break up with Cassidy first and we’ve been together for so long, I really don’t know…

Peaches Honeyblossom: Okay. Wait…

Peaches Honeyblossom: Who the hell is Cassidy?!

Shing: What? Didn’t you know about Cassidy?

Peaches Honeyblossom: NO. OBVIOUSLY I DIDN’T.

Shing: She’s… she’s my girlfriend, BUT I THOUGHT I’D TOLD YOU. I thought you were cool with it.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Cool with it? WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD BE COOL WITH IT?

Shing: I didn’t think it MATTERED to you, you were always so busy jumping on me.

Peaches Honeyblossom: It’s not like you were REJECTING me.

Shing: I TRIED, remember?

Peaches Honeyblossom: Not very hard.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Wow, yeah, no, I should’ve been smarter than this. I’m leaving.

Peaches Honeyblossom: This stupid strut thing is REALLY INCONVENIENT for making a dramatic exit.

Shing: Don’t even begin to think I’m trying to stop you. I’m leaving too.

Peaches Honeyblossom: I don’t even CARE. Go die in a fire, scumbag.

An hour or so later.

Peaches Honeyblossom: What are you doing here?

Shing: I came to talk. Nice place you have here.

Peaches Honeyblossom: My toilet just broke so I’m not in the best mood. What is it?

Shing: I just came to give you this.

Oh hell

fucking no.

Shing: In case you couldn’t figure out for yourself, we are through. I never want to see you again.

I actually looked like this as I watched this play out: D:

Peaches Honeyblossom: Bitch, please. You didn’t have to come over here to tell me that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take this call. And by the way, you slap like a baby child.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Hello? Oh, hey, Anna.

Peaches Honeyblossom: What am I doing? Oh, nothing much, just throwing rude houseguests out… Or, well, chasing them off my lawn, I guess. Can I call you tomorrow?

Peaches Honeyblossom: This has been the worst day ever.

:(

And of course it starts raining again. Look at that poor girl’s plumbob. THIS IS THE MOST DEPRESSING CHAPTER I AM SO SORRY.

*makes that the title now*

Peaches Honeyblossom: Can we please just not screenshot right now? I am not feeling well.

Well, shit.

I DID NOT PLAN ON ANY OF THIS HAPPENING WHY DOES THE SIMS LIKE TO RUIN MY HAPPINESS WHY CAN’T I JUST GO BACK TO HER HAPPY LIFE WITH VITO. Everything will be okay, I promise. I will make it be okay.

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15 thoughts on “Chapter Sixty-Two: The Most Depressing Chapter

  1. I figured it would be okay to read these, since it’s kind of like a new, separate thing. (I’m onto generation six now, anyway. I love it, by the way. You’re hilarious.)

    Poor Peaches. She has terrible luck with those cheating jerks. And he was a fairy! We never got to see his special fairy bed dance! Or his eyes! Still, that angry-strut scene was the funniest thing. Sucks to be mad when you have to do the woohoo strut.

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  2. Need Vitooooo :( He’s the only man Peaches can trust apparently. At least the baby will be cute! And maybe it’ll be a fairy!

    That strut is annoying with how slow it is. I mean, I guess it would look kinda funny if they did it at the speed of a jog.

    Loved the chapter! Can’t wait for more.

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  3. What a complete asshat! He cheats on a girlfriend that he neglects to mention to Peaches, and then tries to make it all her fault!!! I hope a meteor lands on him!!! Now it looks like she’s going to single-handedly raise a baby on her lawn with little to no money! Life doesn’t look very, er, peachy for poor Peaches :(

    How you managed to make such a depressing chapter freaking hilarious I have no idea. I bow down to you …

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  4. WHAT THE DONK, MAN. Peaches needs herself a nice, old sugar daddy. That way if he’s a jerk, it doesn’t matter because he’s rich and probably going to die relatively soon anyway.

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