Chapter Forty: Bartholomew

Shhhhh, be very quiet and don’t wake anyone! Finally, after days of chaos and wonky sleep schedules, the Creeper household is dark and silent at night. It’s almost eerie to see it this way, but don’t worry… It won’t last long.

Dweezil: Hey, sis, how long do you think we’ve been sitting here waiting for food while Starla pretends she doesn’t hear us?

 

Tu Morrow: I don’t know, but I am SO. BORED. I think it’s time to get cranky.

 

Dweezil: Yeah, we’ve gotta do something. That giraffe is starting to look mighty tasty.

Tu Morrow: *inhales loudly* FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! 

Tu Morrow: Well, that didn’t take long at all.

Dweezil: We can always count on daddy :D

Puddle of Pee: *oozes*

Marlene: Oh my god, your KIDS are so LOUD.

Pilot Inspektor: Oh my god, you should REALLY put clothes on before you come to yell at me. It’s embarrassing for you. Brest sliders, anyone?

Welcome back yet again to the madness :)

Pilot Inspektor: Okay, which one is this?

My sims never remember their children. Anyway, there are many, many, way too many birthdays this update, and a lot of skipping around because omg taking screenshots is hard when 10 people’s lives are in your hands. I’m going to try and spare you all the cake shots, too. There wasn’t much cake, honestly, because I usually forgot it was anyone’s birthday.

OH AND NOTE OF OBVIOUS IMPORTANCE: I changed the counters. They look retro now, but not as intense as OMG DARK BROWN, which is possibly an upgrade. I’ll probably change them again.

Sage Moonblood: GROWING UP NAO SHUT UP.

Get ready for rapid birthday time!

Omg hiii Draco! *fangirls*

Sage Moonblood: I don’t even like the color green. I am not amused.

Omg say… say um… Oh! Say, “I’m tired. Can’t we just be Death Eaters?” *squee*

Sage Moonblood: No.

Oh fine. I squeed for nothing. I’m not a squee-er, you jerk.

Sage Moonblood: My hair looks ridiculous, but at least I’ve got my favorite color on and she’s stopped with the Draco nonsense.

Yeah I might be changing that hair. It’s kind of funky.

Sage rolled Technophobe… because electronics don’t work at Hogwarts ^^

Sage Moonblood: *punches a kitten*

Everly Bear: Hooray, my body grew up but my mind didn’t!

She was actually the first kid to grow up, but whatever. Everly Bear rolls the Childish trait. A childish genius? Sure, why not?

She’s pretty in an awkward way I think.

Oohlala Moxie CrimeFighter! She reminds me a little of Kirsten Dunst, only way cooler and liked by me. She’s now a computer whiz… who loves the outdoors.

Moxie CrimeFighter: Which means I’ll take my laptop to the park and be set for like 18 hours.

Sounds good to me!

Reignbeau is also a child now, ta daa! And I just realized I never gave you her traits. She’s a musically inclined slob and is now also adventurous. Adventurous in what sense, hmm?

Reignbeau: Basically I’m Amy Winehouse, only more prone to actually having talent.

Sage Moonblood: I look much better now, don’t I?

Moxie CrimeFighter: Shh, I have to hurry up and finish this essay on why computers > chalkboards. And quit dancing, it’s distracting!

From the moment she gets home from school until it’s time for dinner and bed, Sage dances her butt off. To Egyptian music, no less.

Sage Moonblood: Hey, it’s the only Party Animal related thing I’m allowed to do right now. Give me a break.

Sage Moonblood: Why don’t we have any house parties? We’re like the most anti-social family in this town. Even the Goths throw down every once in a while.

Moxie CrimeFighter: I’m a grumpy loner, mom’s a loner, dad’s a grump, Uncle Audio’s a grump… I’m pretty sure that’s why, Sage.

Sage Moonblood: But you like the outdoors, right? So I’ll send mom, dad, Uncle Audio and Aunt Marlene on a double date, throw a house party and you can go outside and be by yourself. No one loses.

Moxie CrimeFighter: Whatever, I’ve got to harvest my Farmville crops in like 10 minutes, I’ve got to finish this.

Sage Moonblood: What do you think, Everly? You’re cool. A little get together this weekend sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Everly Bear: GET TO THE CHOPPER! CHOPPACHOPPACHOPPA WOOOOOOOSH! MACHINE GUN MACHINE GUN AHH! BRRRT! BRRRT!

Sage Moonblood: Right, then. You’re not any help.

Before this, Everly Bear was doing some pretty grown up things.

Everly Bear: You’re it!

Buddy (yes, that’s his name): You got a head start! That’s not fair.

Everly Bear: Your face isn’t fair! Come on!

Everly Bear: I knew you’d catch up.

Buddy: I had to. You’re too pretty to let run away.

Everly Bear: Aw, that was sweet, Buddy.

Buddy: Sweet and true.

Everly Bear: Yeah, now let’s go in and get a snack.

Creeper Lawn: *needs landscaping*

Buddy: That was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich ever :D

Creepy Girl: *stands awkwardly*

Everly Bear: Thank you! I like to cook, if you know what I mean…

Buddy: I think I do… *waggles eyebrows*

Everly Bear: Yeah my toy oven is the best :D

Buddy: *deflates*

Pilot Inspektor: Birthday time, hooray!

Reignbeau: Yay, Uncle Pilot! Time to get old!

Sage Moonblood: Okay guest list… Starla, your simself’s in town again, isn’t it? By default I have to invite you, I suppose.

Pilot Inspektor: I feel my bones becoming brittle and my bladder shrinking to the size of a small almond.

Reignbeau: Hooraaaaaay!

Sage Moonblood:  Oh, hang on… I heard you’re married to the town gigolo and are pregnant with his baby while he’s running around scoring all kinds of hot chicks.

…Story Progression hasn’t been very nice to me this time around.

Sage Moonblood: Yeah, I’d have to say no to sending that invite. I can’t have baby mama drama at my very first party.

Pilot Inspektor: Transformation complete! I’m so hot I have to fan myself.

If you were woman, I’d say that’s just menopause.

Pilot Inspektor: Minnow what? No, I like my minnows unpaused, thanks.

I gave him a sweet beard.

Pilot Inspektor: AND DON’T YOU BE JUDGIN’ MY BEARD EITHER OR I WILL TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF AND FEED IT TO MY MONKEYTROUSERS.

That almost sounds terribly wrong, but I’m not even going to ask.

Tu Morrow: Me next, me next!

OW! I just bit my tongue while eating pistachios :(

Tu Morrow: This is not about you! And pistachios are gross, you freak.

Just for that, I’m not showing your child picture yet. OR your brother’s.

Tu Morrow: But what abo–

Enjoy toddlerhood for another chapter, bwahaha!

Because the babies grew up and I can’t stash cribs in various places anymore, I had to add on to the house. I’ve disliked two story houses since TS2 (because I forget sims are up there basically), but I figured I’d just stick the master bedroom up there with another bathroom and it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

I tried to be fancy with the roof. It looks kind of lolworthy.

After googling “why men cheat”, “work wives” and “horrible foreshadowing”, Moxie stumbles upon simdate.com, where she decides to make a profile for fun.

Moxie CrimeFighter: I’m a woman… looking for a man…

Moxie CrimeFighter: Man! MAN! I said man! I did NOT need to see that so early in my life! NSFW! NSFW! What has been seen cannot be unseen! *clicks back*

Moxie CrimeFighter: There. Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Yeah, bb, that is one big c–

What kind of website IS that?

Moxie CrimeFighter: I dunno, it’s run by Disney.

So from then on, it seems Moxie is glued to her laptop.

ZombieApocalypse15: so what r u doin right now?
MoxieFightsCrime: I’m at the park actually
ZombieApocalypse15: oh yeah? do u go there a lot?
MoxieFightsCrime: Almost every day
ZombieApocalypse15: that sounds boring

Moxie CrimeFighter: Oh god, now he thinks I’m a boring dumbass.

ZombieApocalypse15: i don’t think ur a boring dumbass

 

MoxieFightsCrime: How do you know what I just said to myself? Are you watching me or something?
ZombieApocalypse15: uh no your forehead just typed that
MoxieFightsCrime: How do you know I headkeyboarded?
ZombieApocalypse15 has signed out 

Moxie CrimeFighter: He’s strange… but I’m oddly intrigued by his evasiveness. Ew, I hope he’s not Edward Cullen.

ZombieApocalypse15 has signed in
ZombieApocalypse15:
i’m not edwad cullen that’s gross
ZombieApocalypse15 has signed out

Moxie CrimeFighter: That clears that up then.

I have to tell you, Pilot, that beard there? That’s the best thing we’ve done I think.

Pilot Inspektor: It is! Oh and I named it. He’s Bartholomew now.

Well hello there, Bartholomew.

Pilot Inspektor (as Bartholomew in British accent): Hello, Starla, care for as spot of tea? Or perhaps some brandy will suffice?

Why thank you, kind sir. Pinkies up!

After my tea party with Pilot and Bartholomew, I kept trying to figure out why Reignbeau would not go to the bathroom.  I mean, was her bladder that shy?

Reignbeau: Get out of the entire house, all of you! Scram!

The walls were down so I couldn’t tell that I’d sold a wall somehow. Durk-a-durk.

Hey so Audio is Pilot’s twin brother, so why didn’t they age up at the same time?

Audio Science: We did, I’ve just been too busy working for you to take a screenshot.

Oh, okay. Well here’s elder Audio *waves flag* And that’s the last you’ll see of him for a while.

Moxie CrimeFighter: I’m finally gonna do it. I’m gonna call ZombieApocalypse.

Are you nervous?

Moxie CrimeFighter: Nah, I got this.

A few minutes later.

Moxie CrimeFighter: You want to… meet? Like, in person? Don’t you think we’re moving a little fast, I mean you just started following my Twitter. Maybe we could become Facebook friends first?

Sage Moonblood: Blah, this dollhouse party is boring. I think it’s time to put my plans into action.

 

Sage Moonblood: Yeah, five o’clock sharp, BYOB… Because I’m like NINE, I can’t get any, sheesh.

Because you’ll be seeing them in the next few shots, I might as well give in and let you see Tu Morrow and Dweezil.

Dweezil is definitely an Andie clone, only he has really big ears, so I don’t even know if Andie’s the mother. He is now easily impressed, perceptive, and friendly. He doesn’t talk much.

Dweezil: *stares creepily*

Tu Morrow, I have to admit, looks like a badass. She almost reminds me of Ellen Page. She’s easily impressed, grumpy, and over-emotional.

And you know what? I really think the twins look a LOT like each other. It’s kind of nice.

Here’s a family shot, only it’s not a family shot at all because it’s missing Pilot, Marlene, and Everly.

Still, I think I’ll miss this when it’s gone :3

Everly Bear: Hey :)

Buddy: Hey :)

Moxie CrimeFighter: Haha, no way, Texts From Last Night is WAY more funny than My Life Is Average! No, no, MLIA was pretty good in the beginning, but now mostly everyone makes stuff up.

Everly Bear: Sorry about this. It’s my life.

Buddy: I like your life.

Everly and Buddy: *have first kiss*

Everyone Else: *does not notice*

A pivotal moment in a teenager’s life is unimportant to the people around her. Kinda funny.

Keith Ferne: BOO, Pilot and his beard SUCK. *dislike*

And so the party truly begins.

Everly Bear: We’re obviously meant to be together forever, so let’s go steady, okay? And then we can get matching love tattoos in Japanese.

Buddy: Um, sure.

Everly Bear: ‘Kay, now let’s go play house. I’m the momma! 

I totally feel like Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’ would be playing in the background of these next few screenshots, so if you know the song, or the Glee version (which is better), go ahead and sing it in your heads as you read.

Andie: Whoa there, nephew. Getting a little too close for comfort.

Benito: Look into my eyes as we dance the forbidden dance! Shake your body as I shake mine!

Benito is the adopted son of Bronx Mowgli and the elder chick he married who died recently.

Awesome Haired Guy: Let’s dance too, instead of you making food for your red hunger meter.

Moxie CrimeFighter: Sure, I can do that, although I’m pretty uncomfortable with this entire scenario.

Pilot Inspektor: That’s my girl.

Andie: Aw, look at her, all grown up :3

Pilot Inspektor: Watch my hands dance too! Bartholomew taught me this move. It’s from Ohio.

Lady in Marlene’s Dress: Interesting. Your brother and I have worked together for nearly 10 years and he’s never mentioned having a twin.

Pilot Inspektor: Probably he’s ashamed that he’s not as great as me.

Benito: I’d like to grab your waist now.

Andie: OMGNOTHX.

Audio Science: I see you staring at my wife. She’s a looker isn’ t she?

Tad: Oh yeah, I’m picturing her naked as we speak, even with that glitched chisel in her hand :D

Freaking elders and their lack of inhibitions.

Lady in Marlene’s Dress: :DDDDDD

Everyone seemed to be having a great time.

Everyone except Keith Ferne.

Keith: I will kill them all. All of them, I will kill.

THAT IS HIM SMILING?

*hides under desk until he goes away*

Rufus Tiger lol.

Rufus Tiger: Your party’s verging on epic, Sage. I have to say, for a kid, that’s pretty amazing.

Sage Moonblood: Thanks, Uncle Rufus! Now seeing you shirtless doesn’t seem so traumatic.

It’s Terry Simovitch, whose eyes I fixed :D

Terry: The colors… So many colors… I’m still getting used to colors.

Benito: My eyes! Look into them!

Andie: I’m looking, I’m looking! What am I supposed to be seeing exactly?!

 

Moon Uniiiiiiit!

Moon Unit: All these children you’ve got here.

Your grandchildren you mean?

Moon Unit: Yeah. They smell. You must WANT me to die.

Moon Unit: I’m going to eat this mac and cheese because it’s a whole lot better than Story Progession’s mac and cheese. Then I am leaving this bottomless… child pit.

Keith: I was going to kill them all and then I got into watching this game of theirs…

Tu Morrow: Do I get a line?

No.

Andie must’ve seen something in Benito’s eyes because she finally gives in and gets down and dirty with him by the Christmas tree.

Andie: We’re rockin’ around it. Like the song.

Benito: Concentrate!

The party ends with a bang as Andie bursts into elder. I think this was an epic party, but apparently it was still only verging on it. Has anyone ever really gotten an actual ‘epic’ party? Maybe to be epic everyone has to dress as Lord of the Rings characters.

LOL @ elder Andie.

Andie: I like this boy behind me. He’s got determination in his eyes.

Dweezil: Facetime?

Not for long! Thanks for reading, everyone! Next time be prepared for ANYTHING because that might just be what happens. Happy simming <3

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36 thoughts on “Chapter Forty: Bartholomew

  1. Isn’t Moon Unit like a thousand billion days old? How has she not met the reaper? And I love Sage. I thought Keith Ferne had pretty eyes…until he smiled. Wow. That’s a scary smile.

    Like

    • LOL she is. That would be my cheating. I turned her aging off after I fixed her XD I’m glad you like Sage! I hope you continue to because she’s one of my favorites. Yeah Keith’s eyes are amazing, but the rest of him is freeeeeaky.

      Like

  2. OMG so many children. >> I don’t know how you do it. I’m pretty sure I would go insane.

    LOL at Bartholomew. Of COURSE he would have a British accent. Anything less would be unacceptable. :3

    Also, Keith Ferne will haunt my dreams. ._.

    I can’t decide which kid is my favorite yet. GUESS THAT MEANS YOU’LL HAVE TO UPDATE MORE :D <3

    Like

    • I thought it would be harder than it actually is, honestly! I don’t know how I’m going to manage having less now!

      Exactly :D

      Omg he is scary as scariness times ten.

      Haha SURE THING. I dunno either!

      Like

  3. Love love loved it!!!!

    I love the way Moxie turned out. But Everly Bear is my favorite!!! I would totally download her! She needs to be a part of the Food Legacy, I NEED HER DNA!

    Like

    • Thank you!

      I’m glad you like Moxie, I think she’s really interesting! LOL I will definitely be putting them up for download soon!

      Like

  4. I’m loving the chapters-every-few-days thing that you’ve got going on here. (:

    LOL I KEEP FORGETTING THAT SAGE IS A CHICK BECAUSE I KEEP PICTURING HER AS DRACO. WHOOPS. ~
    I love Tu. <3

    Like

    • Thank you! I’m trying really hard to get them out quickly :)

      Hahaha I do too don’t worry!

      Omg just wait until you see TEEN TU.

      Thank you! <3

      Like

  5. I love how full the house is, although I’m sure you’re “verging on” insanity xD I’ve never gotten an epic party, it’s probably true that you have to be either in LotR or Harry Potter costumes.. Those are the only epic-party-worthy outfits, I’d say.
    Your plates/bowls are black. It is awesome. I love them. Is that a mod? xD
    Lovely, creepy chapter :)

    Like

  6. I can join in with the Harry Potter fan-dom because I’m on book three of the series! I started reading it three (or four?) days ago :D Sage even grew up in the Slytherin colors :P

    Also, I am “cmputer” over on the Sims 3 site. :P I didn’t know if you got that, but I think I mentioned having a WordPress in my description, anyway…

    Wait… Moon Unit isn’t wearing the glitched maternity anymore? Can’t you age her up via MasterController now? (It was the maternity clothes that made her unable to age, right?)

    Like

  7. Pingback: 4.0 – V is for… « A Devious Legacy

  8. My sim (Mortimer Goth) had an epic party, but all they did was eat hot dogs, go swimming, dance, and eat cake. How is that epic?

    Like

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